I think we can all agree that building your life around nothing but
others' expectations is exceedingly unhealthy. Trying to force yourself
into a position that isn't something you're called to or even enjoy
wears you down and steals your attention from areas where you could
benefit others more effectively. It stunts growth.
But sometimes,
when you know yourself and what you want fairly well, the things others
comment on you doing well can guide you in directions you might not have
realized alone. I've been maternal since I could walk (bringing smaller
babies in the nursery their pacifiers when they cried) and a writer
since I became literate (constantly making little books on single pieces
of paper folded in half). That's what I'm good at, that's what I love
doing, that's where I feel most like myself, that's my calling- I have
to be a mother and I have to be a writer. Life without either of those
would be empty. They're who I am. Neither makes much money, though.
It
was several years ago that someone first suggested I could be a
teacher. My aunt, whom I don't see very often, was visiting for a
weekend. She saw my interactions with little kids at church and wondered
aloud about me becoming a teacher. I told her no, because I already
knew those first two callings, and I'd never thought of it.
That same Sunday, Parade
magazine ran an article about what makes good teachers good. Many
people shared stories about the teachers who changed their lives. It was
kind of amazing to toy with the idea of being such a big influence on
someone- the person who inspired them to love learning or gave them one
bright spot in their day that helped turn their life around. The comment
and the article on the same day put a little spark in me to consider
being a teacher. It became a common fantasy: I'd imagine myself teaching
an English or creative writing class and what I would tell my students.
(Rule #1: I won't lower your grade for a preposition at the end of a
sentence, because sometimes it sounds most natural that way, but I will
draw it to your attention because it's something other teachers will
care about.)
Throughout high school the sense that I
could offer something as a teacher and find fulfillment in that role
increased. I'm looking at colleges that offer both good writing programs
and good teaching programs. I plan to apply to one school whose writing
major I adore but that offers no education major. However, I have many
misgivings about actually attending that school. For myself now, I don't
see teaching just as the day job to support my writing. It remains a
secondary passion to writing and motherhood, but I really, really want
to be a teacher. I think I should be a teacher.
It was
funny at the end of the summer realizing how many things would I had
done that would set me up for impressing people with my education
experience- especially given that I have no experience in an actual
classroom as instructor OR student. But I spent a week volunteering in a
Vacation Bible School art room, supervising a table's activities,
serving as an authority figure to keep children in line, and also
helping them by showing them how to use the supplies. I ended up doing a
lot of babysitting for a girl I met there and her neighbor. And one of
the things I worked on while providing child care was preparing for the
debate coaching I'm now doing. I thought through what I want to teach
and how to split up lessons and practice time to meet my students'
needs. I was also researching what colleges were looking for on
applications and realized I have so many qualifications to be accepted
into a school to seek an education degree. I have four years of public
speaking experience (will, unless providentially hindered, have five
when I enter college). That experience includes speaking professionally
in front of other people, research, analyzing literature, on-my-feet
thinking, writing my own speeches, and carefully reviewing typed scripts
for mistakes. On top of that I'm now getting experience as an
instructor teaching others how to debate. Basically all my life I've
interacted with younger people in a nurturing leadership role- children
trust me. So much I've done throughout high school has set me up to be a
teacher. The best part of this is that I didn't pick a single one of
these activities to make my résumé look good. I did speech and debate,
went to VBS, babysat, and agreed to be a debate coach simply because I
wanted to. That more than anything else tells me I'm on the right track
in my life and pursuing a true calling. All my unrelated interests just
happen to line up to train me to excel in my ultimate career goal.
I
still get those hints that others see me as a teacher. For a
speaking/acting exercise, I had to play a preschool teacher. Multiple
people immediately commented that that role was perfect for me. None of
them know my college and career goals. They just know, Johanna is a
teacher. It's who she is, even when she didn't think so in those terms.
The lines between art, teaching, and childcare are very blurred in my
life. All are how I want to leave a positive mark on this world long
after I leave it.
Edit: I just found out that today happens to be World Teacher's Day. I had no idea.
